drEam..?

dReam..
alL oF us hAve a drEam,
that were sPecial and reAlly uniQue to Us,
Once upon a time.

yEah, this dreAm were long fOrgotTen bY many of us.
dO yOu hAve it?
thIs drEam?
I haVe!!
and whEn i thiNk abOut it,
I fElt amAzing and was vEry pRoud oF myseLf,
bUt..
aT SecOnd thOught, nO!
I Felt mYself as a fAilure,
whY?

bEcause aLong thE way tOwards this 'drEam',
i have gave up and lose fAith in it..
as I grOw up,
mOre chOices came bY,
this 'drEam' has fade away
I lose to the wOrld oF rEality
dEfenleSs and hOpeless I am
and i find mAny rEasons to Not aChieve it,
i didN't eveN try tO think One gOod rEason tO conTinue..

So, I still hAve nOT achieve my dream huh. this siTuatiOn iTs like i'm driving in a hiGhway On mY way gOing bAck home and sUddenly mY CaR broke doWn. i thOught I cOuld rEpair it- rEality chEck; whAt is tHe pOssibiLity I cAn dO it? nO! I jUst leFt the cAr thEre and wAlk away..

pOsitive?nEgative?

iTs crEeping me out
for thE emotion I felt evEryday or evErytime
i cAn bE sO bLue a few seCond
aNd later cOuld bE a hApPy gO Lucky giRl..
as Thought alL the sad mEmorIes were alL gOne
i know alL this is pArt of 'human eXperience'? (haha)
buT its weIRd,
whEn i think oF it..
is nOt that is bAd to hAve a pOsitive emotion or nEgative mood..
hmm..

we hAve sO mAny emOtions..
whAt Emotion i like the mOst?
i wilL telL you, iT will be the fEeling of bEing upsEt,disSsapoinMent...
i'm not crAzy..
it jUst fElt 'nicE' in iTs oWn way.
iT hAs help me built the chAracter in mY bEing,
yEah,thAts the pOsitive side..(haha)
and thE bEst pArt oF it,
when i'm in this mood,
i wilL spEed Up mY cAr and drive Like a drunk driver likE nObody else in the rOad..

iF yOu ask mE whAt abOut fEeling of bEing hApPy?
i wilL telL you, its okAy
YeAh, oNly okay..
hApPy is gOod, good..
bUt the mEmories sTay in a shOrter time cOmpare the feeLing of bEing sAd
iTs not that,i dOn't like it..
iT jUst..
hmm, iT so hArd to telL..

Emotion.is a vEry sUbjeCtive mAtter and cAnnot bEen fiGure out, for me. tilL now, i sTilL let iT cOntrol me inStead i take the pOwer. i knOw i cOuld dO something abOut it bUt sOmehow i jUst let it gO

karAte wOrld chAmpionShip cAme to the end yEsterday in japAn. i wAnt to gO there and wAtch how a wOrld chAmpion fOught thEir wAy tO sUcCess but...(finAncial prObs). the idiot box bEcame one of mY sourCes to knOw iT alL..if yOu arE a kuMite fighter-yoU shOuld sEe the wAy oF them all; how a WoRLD cLass fiGhter enTer the ring-with cOnfident (you wilL know thAt person will win fOr suRE),the fOcus they alL have.woW!!is too mesmerizIng! for me..mY country team pArticipate tOo,unfOrtunAtely it tUrns out not rEally GoOd..welL, eventhought this year the fAith to gEt a mEdal not wiTh us, i knOw they will nEver giVe uP and wilL try agAin and agAiN.maybe, we wilL win feW titLeS next two yeArs or yEars to come, which will hapPen in mAlaysia. i cAn't wait for thAt mOment to cOme and sEe what will hApPen..
but when thAt time cOme, i dOn't wAnt to bE a sUpPorter bUt be a fiGhter! fIght for mY cOuntry and win the title..

iNjury..oh mAn

i hOpe today not gonna rain-but..haih.wheather not that good this few weeks.i went to college for drawing class today-today assignment not that difficult,consider okay for a amateur artist like me (sEriously,my drawing sucks). class finish late evening..
after that,i went to karate class.wOw! i mUst say-my stamina had drop tremendously! bAd perfomance (of course,didn't go training sO long!). nOthing i can do now,except-mOre hArdwork. nOt only that, with injuries-twisted thumb and ankle;not helping at all.*sigh* vEry hard for me to execute attack in sparring session..sir ask all of us to try new techniques-with close distance fight-more ashiburai,kicks and kizami and more combination too.hOpe tommorrow will be better..

sad..sad-happy?i dOn't know

sEduce to the night sky,i was..
the moon is sO bright and rOund today..
nOthing will be more interesting than sitting here-
feeling and touching the grass underneath my hand (and)
watching and enjoying the pEacefulness..

yesterday..
yeah,yesterday
i go through my contact numbers in the phone
as i proceed,choosing a friend to talk to, to share with
i thought i have lot of friends
in the end, i find out,
i doesn't have much friend at alL.
i am surroundEd with lots of people named 'friends'
but trUe friends are so fEw (maybE 1 or 2)
oNly the shadow oF mine and the unexpected tears became my company that day.

high up in the sky,
the stars looks like dancing around the mOon..
its like the moon and the stars were playing happily and enjOying evEry mOment..
i admit, i'm jEalous oF them..

quEstions bEgan pilling up in my mind..
it looks like i'm thinking a lot yar?
its true!
maybe its seem not impOrtant, but to me-yEs!
situations change from bad to worse-iTs not hElping.
i cOuldn't figure it out..
that night i cried till i fall asLeep
i dOn't know why the rEason i became so *....* yesterday
but everything sEems okay now and all gOing grEat!

even though,sometimes we go through hard times,
we must remembered that everything gonna be alright
and will be sought out soon..
jUst bElieve in yOurself and like Walt Disney said
"kEep mOving Forward!"

but to many of us,
its not that easy,
it takes time to heal our bleeding heart,
however,
in the end,we are the oNly one;who left to decide
whether we wanna mOve on (or)
bEing carried away and lived in the pAst.
iTs a dEcision entirely up to yOu.
i bElieve everything gOnna bE aLright,if we try..

whAt is your choice?

sOmetime

sOmetime,
i just wanna dO mY bEst in evErything i jOin,
bUt there is sOmething that sTop mE frOm archiving iT,
i wish i have thE determination and the spirit of nOt giving up...

sOmetime,
i wanna pray and taLk to God,
bUt i had thE atTitude oF lazinesSs
i wish i wilL think of God evEry time and evEry sEcond...

sOmetime
i just wanna bE aLone in mY own thOught,
bUt i fElt guiLty for not treating mY friend when they around me
and when i have this fEeling
i wiSh they wilL undErstand mE;thE reason why i behAve so...

sOmetime
i wanna telL oUt my sEcrets,
bUt i scAre pEopLe dOn't have the paTient tO listen
i wish i had a friend that could lend their ears...

sOmetime
i jUst wanna bE wiTh mY family and friEnds,
bUt bOth side;mE and thEm don't have the time that we frEe tO hang oUt tOgether-bOth bUsy with our own wOrk
i wish we will realize sOon the vaLue of love and friendship...

sOmetime
i wanna speak out mY right,
if i did no wrong,bUt i chickEn oUt
i wish i have the cOurage...

sOmetime
i hOpe mY liFe wOuld be thE stOry i read frOm storybOok or thE world i had imagine,
bUt it just dOesn't hApPen in this rEality
i wish i wilL keEp on beLieving the drEams evEnthOugh is nOt gOnna cOme trUe; having an imagination wilL make mY wOrld mOre cOlorful and hApPy,at least...

sOmetime
i wanna dO mY own things withoUt pEopLe interfering with their opiniOns because once they give their own point of viEw,i Lose mYown thought,
bUt i don't know why i wanna listen their thoughts and i lose mY own statement
i wish i wOn't gEt inFluence easily and i cOuld dO thE things i Like...

dEep inside i know the 'wishEs' wouldn't cOme trUe iF i didn't take any aCtion..
'jUst wish' doesn't prOmises anYthing bUt an emPty prayErs..

who are you?

its not surprising that i had went through "not being myself" stage. from there i experienced lots of stuff that me,myself couldn't imagine- i such a 'faker'.. and yeah, this stage had scared me and i hOpe i had learn a priceless lesson..but we couldn't know

its hArd tO live by..
pLeasing oThers
living the eXpectations sEt by peoples
nOt bEing true wiTh your own fEelings and sElf-bEing

sOmetimes we will go through this stage
during this time,
i find iT,
i cOuldn't recOgnise myself..
what i have done and all.
wOw!
rEally! its like the action bEing 'cOntrol' by someone (i don't know how to put it in words)

in the end of the day,
when i find out-is already tOo late to patch things back
i hate mYself more and more
why do i acted like this?
fEeling regret came register in my bEing..

is it worth it?